A Bump in the Night

This is a story about my 2nd night in Istanbul, where I stayed in a hostel after my first unpleasent (understatement?) night which I've written about here:

A not so Turkish Delight

So after leaving my couchsurfing host's home, I checked myself into a hostel in the old city. As I settled in my dorm to gather myself and recover from the recent events, I met two of my roommates. Two Aussie blokes, one blonde and the other brunette. There were 3 bunkbeds in the room. I was on the top bunk of brunette Aussie, and blonde Aussie was in the bottom bunk opposite us. There were three Italians taking the rest of the beds, two ladies and a guy. The guy was in the top bed on blonde aussie's bunk. You'll see why I've explained this soon enough.

The Belly dancer with Blonde Aussie

I then headed out for lunch with my friend and did more sight seeing. It was a good day of happy snapping on my camera, dodging the local men asking me to have coffee/tea/dinner with them, and meeting some cool Portugese guys (both named Miguel) at dinner as we watched a local 'belly' dancer (she wasn't very good at all!) perform as part of the evening's attraction. I think the girl was working for the local mob or something of the like, as she had a handler who discreetly sat in the corner. Throughout her performance, the belly dancer would pull guys up to dance with her. Both Miguels got pulled up and later told me that the whole time they were dancing with her, she was saying 'Money! Money! Money! Money!' and wouldn't let them sit back down until he gave her money. She would then look over at her handler for permission to stop dancing and wait for the cue.

As I was tired from the previous nights events I went to bed at a reasonable hour only to be awoken a few hours later by the sound of our drunk aussie friends coming back from their night out. Brunette basically passed out on his bed but Blonde had decided to bring someone back with him. A girl!!!

'Oh dear lord,' I thought to myself, 'This is gonna be the first hostel dorm sex encounter I'll be exposed to.'

Blonde and his friend get into his lower bunk bed and start making out. I try to block it all out and go back to sleep, but was unsuccessful. I can hear them shuffling and moving. I can hear sucking noises and soft moans. At this point, I can't help but wonder if they're rooting or not. I try to block it out again and go to sleep. Minutes later I decide the effort was futile and decide to check my mobile for the time. It was 5am. I put my phone back down and what happens? It falls down the side of my bed and under Brunettes bed with a great parading clatter of noise against the wall and onto the floor. Great. GREAT!! Blonde and his friend stop for a few moments probably to look to see if I'm awake. I lay still and pretend I'm asleep, asif I had knocked my phone off my bed in my sleep.

Soon they are at it again. I roll around and face the bunk they're in. Yes, I admit it, I tried to take a peek in the dark. I was curious. Shoot me. It was too dark to see anything though, which was a good thing. What I did see though, was that Mr Italy was awake on the top bunk. The poor guy!! The bunk bed was moving and squeaking as the horny two were at it, and he was in the top bunk feeling it all!

At this point, we can hear them whispering. Skanky girl must be getting cold feet. I couldn't hear the conversation clearly, but I did hear skanky girl say 'No. I can't. We shouldn't.' Eventually they went back to fooling around and then finally went to sleep.

The next morning, the Italian ladies are the first to wake up having no idea of last nights events. They shower and get dressed. Once the bathroom is free, Blonde gets up and goes to the bathroom. The Italian ladies look at him strangely. Blonde has a bandage wrapped around his whole head! As he shuts the door to the bathroom, the ladies notice there's still a body in his bed. Mr Italy is awake now, so they ask him what's going on in Italian. Mr Italy retells the events in their language and the ladies burst out laughing. They look at the bed, then at the bathroom, back at the bed and then again at the bathroom. Blonde comes out of the bathroom to meet the stares of the Italians.

'Oh, it's not as bad as it looks,' Blonde remarks. The Italians look at him quizzically.

'My head.' He continues to explain. 'It's just a small scratch. I bumped my head when we were out last night and it started bleeding. This was the only way to keep the bandage on, so I had my whole head bandaged.'

Awkward silence.

'But I'm ok. Nothing serious.'

'Next time you want to FUCK,' Mr Italy angrily remarks in his thick Italian accent, 'GET A FUCKING HOTEL ROOM!'

Yes!!! You tell him! OMG this is HILARIOUS. The dumbfounded look on Blonde's face as he realises that he wasn't as discreet as he thought was pure gold. He gives Mr Italy a sheepish look and apologises, then crawls back into bed with skanky girl who is hiding her face under the blankets in shame.

The Italians finish getting dressed and leave the room. I jump down, crawl under brunette's bed to get my phone and go to brush my teeth. As I look into the bathroom mirror brushing my teeth, I see the reflection of skanky girl walking past to leave the room. We make eye contact through the mirror as she walks out redfaced and embarrassed.